| OrionKarath | Date: Wednesday, 26 Oct 2011, 9:52 PM | Message # 1 |
 Lieutenant general
Group: Administrators
Messages: 612
Status: Offline
|  Originally posted by Frank Jeeves, in the original A Galaxy At War
I stood before the valley of shimmering pillars, towering in shiny metallic purple armor. The Giant shroom of scintillated slivers oranges and blues stood behind me, buzzing with busy polka dots. The Castle of District Attorneia lay before me. Its towering spirals grew with unhappy black flames. On a cloud of solid cream, riding with the wind I flew with bountiful mind and lily dreams. I hope to see the Wizard soon.
"I must bring him to my side. He must see my cool scene." I said to the flowing tide of time. My words echoed in the baritone moon.
In one hand I held tight to the cloud of solid cream as it sped along a lazy corkscrew speed with dragonfly demons flying at my face staring at me with their flashing yellow eyes, siren screams and middle fingers. In the other hand I held on to my Amazing Technicolor Fubar Machine. For it would be my key to convincing the Wizard of my scene.
I drew nearer and nearer the castle rose upon me. Towering above, reaching angrily into the sky; ready to consume me.
"Oh Shit, don’t eat me!" Shouted I to the malignant, fowl breathed castle.
I splashed through a shimmering liquid crystal pane into the Grand Entrance of the Castle. My eyes, my nose, my fro, my entire face tickled from the impact. I lost hold of my solid cream cloud. It burst forth from my being spinning up into an explosive yellow that was by no means mellow.
Standing up, I was surrounded by a crowd of happy bespectacled salesmen in tie dye suits with red lipped smiles among them were angelic fairy queens with rainbow cellophane wings and long flower petals of blues, reds and purples sprouting from their hips. A smile grew forth from my face as I said,
"You will all bear witness to my cool scene."
With that the angelic fairy queens shrilled into their siren songs and all the happy salesmen in tie dye suits, ever so slowly, brought to aim their bubble wands directly at me ready to play the involuntary game of magical dodge ball.
From those bubble wands burst forth powerful and energetic shooting stars, flying full force at my shimmering face. I let my legs melt into metallic purple pools as my body drop from the barrage of shooting stars. My fingers found my Amazing Technicolor Fubar Machine and with the pluck of its magical strings I activated its awesome power. Pointing at the first salesman the Fubar Machine burst forth thunderous rainbow light and immensely bright sound. Golden happiness splattered across the walls as the happy salesman spiraled backwards like a shrinking balloon until he was nothing.
For a moment all the happy salesmen stop their barrage of shooting stars in awe of my Amazing Technicolor Fubar Machine. For a moment the Fairy Queens stopped their siren songs admiring my metallic Purple Armor, one of them looking at me with doe like eyes. A smile grew forth from my shimmering face and I said:
"Hang on my darling. Hang on if you want to go."
I pointed my Amazing Technicolor Fubar Machine at her and yet again mythical beams shot forth. Rose colored sound echoed across the room. She burst into thousands of bubbles, pixies, dandelions, and sunflowers. Her wings and flower petals fell to the ground and writhed in joyous agony. The involuntary game of magical dodge ball began again. I felt a shooting star pass through my arm. But hey that didn’t count. I ran across the walls playing the strings of my Fubar Machine. Gold and rose sprayed across the room. The salesmen disappeared like shrinking balloons and the Fairy queens burst into their clouds of pixies. As I continued running on the ceiling the room grew and stretched for many miles as I expanded with it. The happy salesmen shrank into the size of mice however their numbers grew by the thousands. My Fubar Machine ran out of its magic. I landed on the ground, changing my grip on the Amazing Technicolor Fubar Machine. Swinging it hard, I swept all the happy salesmen in their tie dye suits around the room. Their strategy changed after they realized I had grown to tremendous size while they stayed small. They crawled over each other forming a mass of mice sized salesmen until it resembled a giant mechanical man. This did not matter.
The mass that resembled a giant mechanical man threw an angry spiraling baseball at me. I held tight to my Fubar machine for I knew that it would be the only thing that could save poor old me. I steped to the side and swung the Fubar Machine as hard as I could. To my surprise the baseball rippled through my Fubar Machine like a fearless rock through crystalline cream.
So I let my Fubar Machine soar towards the giant man of nuts and bolts, it struck him, and many salesmen flew off him as he stood there stunned, while I, in my infinite wisdom, ran as fast as I could at him. I jumped in a bountiful leap soaring across the miles between me and the Machine man. My foot found itself in front of me confronting the machine man’s head. It convinced him to change his mind as it rolled away falling apart, as it did, into thousands of jaded marbles. Picking up my Fubar Machine, I swept the floor transforming it into the ice blue river of my scene so the metal man could cool his feet. He sat down feeling the ice blue, his mind at ease. And he told me:
"I know what I want but I just don’t know how to go about getting it."
That is when I made the decision. I swung my Fubar Machine over my head to knight him over his chest. The machine man cried a stereo tear as thousands of salesmen flew off of him like waterfalls and mothers calls. He bore witness to my sunrise from the bottom of the deepest sea.
I grab tight to my Amazing Technicolor Fubar Machine, flipped the cobalt switch and its brilliant core opened up to me. I reloaded the Machine, that I built, with electric gumdrops which it used to fuel its awesome power. One by one it was sucked into my hungry machine, as one by one my feet touched the ground. I walked down the chambers of the king, with its jellyfish ways, as the wind of merry sin blew through the melting metal corridors. The salesmen, with smiles of infinite ruby darkness, began to see the error of their ways and experience the coolness of my scene.
So, they turned, hopped and jumped about in blissful jubilee, I laughed and I laughed as I followed with great skipping stride through spinning halls and swift climbing dives. On and on I skipped and ran with many a merry tie dye salesman, unleashing the power of my Fubar Machine once again, and I sang along with the grateful screaming bliss of my new friends. One of the salesmen danced about before my eyes and waved at me with outstretched hands, feeling the touch of harmony that was my cool scene. He smiled with dozens of flickering rainbow faces and said,
"Take me through your dreams, Frank Jeeves! Inside your world I want to be!"
I just smiled an immense fluorescent smile and joined him in the happy thrashing dance until his mind fell from his many faces and was blown away by the wind of light, sunshine and the rainbow beams of the Fubar Machine.
On and on the game went on with sweet dance and electric reverie, until at once it seemed we had all become one. The beautiful sirens calls fell silent at last, and I stood before the great hall with golden happiness splattered all about me, brilliant hues of rose and aimless prose. It covered my shiny purple armor. It was within my being. I stood amongst it as I looked through the great belly button window upon the vast Kingdom laid out, just for me far, far below. It was then that a giant hand came out from heaven and pinned a badge upon my chest that said,
“Get out there man, and do your best.”
The room twirled and twirled and twirled and twirled until it amassed into a twirling malignant vortex made of lesser known monkey spells. Down and down and down I went and deeper I did go into a rabbit hole of desire. There I found an ocean of inter dimensional gold fish and mermaids of marble scales and velvet skin. In this spinning world of deep violet black I closed my eyes in fear of what I could be. When my eyes opened to the world my eyes saw in front of me a door of mercury bliss. It wobbled and wiggled as I could see the reflection of entire land of unicorns and infant horns. And for a moment I knew all there was to know. A smile grew forth from my Godly face. I was going to see the wizard soon.
I touched the door. A cool rush of icy nuclear power shot through my arms as the door became a part of my being. My armor’s power grew with tremendous pulse and souls, turning it into metallic liquid that reinforce all my being a thousand fold. As the entrance unfolded before me I saw the land that was the goal of my cool scene.
What stood before me was garden misty blue and lilacs too. It wove itself into an ever moving valley where I saw Icarus in the distance playing with Cupid and Pegasus in the land of the newly rising sun. The sky was an upside down sea of glowing moss that gently threaten the games of the flying Gods. Quietly, I thought I heard an invisible whale say "It’s all in your mind. Tis all in your mind." ‘How could this be?’ I asked, in my mind, to the drifting sea of forgotten tear drops. Going forward, I set my sails toward the sun and the man of infernal dreams, as golden ships passed by my way.
The wizard was magnificent. His dream coat was woven from the valley of misty blue and lilacs too. Stretching it reached him into the forms of the stars and the moons. Flower patches of emerald burst forth from his chest, his legs of infinite redwood wisdom rooted him to the world ever pastry delights. His hair flowed of white fire that went straight into the sky penetrating the upside down sea of moss and changing it into a mournful octopus of light. And his beard... oh if his beard was any other beards it would not have been woven from the skin of the gods themselves, and yet it was, for it was as if the entire galaxy lay upon it held together by his whimsical wavy whiskers. His eyes of piercing diamond stared at my being. He then asked in a howling murmur.
"FRANK JEEVES!! WHY HAST THOU COME TO THE CASTLE OF DISTRICT ATTORNEIA?"
"Come, have I, to convince thee of my Scene with my Amazing Technicolor Fubar Machine." my hands grew tight as I began to power the machine with the gentle pluck of its magical strings.
The Wizard’s hands rose up to the sky. As moon beams shoot forth from his outstretched fingers. Suddenly a massive screaming rainbow rose from beneath his feet and thousands of red sunflowers, orange irises, purple dandelions’, blue hued poppies, scarlet lupines and deadly bolts of green lighting flooded the valley in a sea of brilliant life. In the distance Icarus, Cupid and Pegasus burned into a million particles of ash from the power of the Wizard.
So, I plucked the magical strings. And again the mystical beams. And the flowers faded away as fast as they came. Or so it seems.
The Wizard decreed "THE MACHINE, THAT YOU BUILT, WILL NEVER SAVE US." That’s what he said; that’s what it read. And he also threw this in my face and said,
"ANYWAYS, YOU KNOW GOOD AND WELL IT WOULD BE BEYOND THE WILL OF THE FORCE. AND THE GRACE OF THE QUEEN... GRACE OF THE QUEEN."
"F*^k the Queen. And bear witness to my cool scene." I leveled my Fubar Machine at the Wizards coat of lily dreams.
"But first, are you Experienced?"
Orion Karath
Manager from June 2009 to Present, Administrator from December 2011 to Present
My posts here, pre-2009 archives here
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| Karth_DeQora | Date: Friday, 28 Oct 2011, 8:17 AM | Message # 2 |
 Colonel general
Group: Administrators
Messages: 1157
Status: Offline
| Years later and it's still hilarious.
Man, Myth, Administrative God. Also plays a mean kazoo.
Jace Varitek: In Northern California we just have gangs of vigilante interior decorators.
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