Added (18 May 2011, 6:43 PM)
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...you'll meet her, she's very pretty, even though sometimes she's sad for many days at a time. you'll see, when she smiles, you'll love her ♥
Added (26 May 2011, 10:35 PM)
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There was a time when designers opened their collections to me, exclusively. Everyone else had to wait. Everyone else meaning those other rich kids. Fortunately for me, I'm the daughter of Lord Daiyu Merav. I had everything...and nothing. What I truly wanted wasn't material. It was a feeling. A feeling of love, and being loved in return. After the purge took my mother, I was left to the absence of my father. His duties to the Empire took him away from Soterios, away from me. I was well attended to, and it was fine for awhile, but eventually it reared it's ugly head. I wanted to replace what I felt missing inside. I eventually got what I wanted. Love. Aethyr Dakkari is the only man I have ever loved. But his love was a dangerous kind. It took my life, and the life of our unborn child. I don't remember the hours where a team of people struggled to keep me alive. I only remember the sadness I felt when I learned I was with child. And the loss of a life that never had a chance. They told me that they almost lost me too, that my heart had stopped beating. To be fair, the blame doesn't entirely fall upon Aethyr. He didn't force the pills down my throat. But if it wasn't for him, I would never of had them in my possession. I was a troubled teen. How I got there? That's a story told by many voices. I can't blame anyone anymore. I just need to accept the path I was given. My life...after death.
Added (10 Jul 2011, 2:38 PM)
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I'm so damn tired of feeling everything.
Added (13 Jul 2011, 7:17 Am)
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i laugh at things that aren't funny
i dance to music that only I can hear
i smile at things that don't matter
i'm usually a mess
i never have it all together
i've been hurt
and i've hurt others
i do stupid stuff
i make the same mistakes
again and again
but that's just me...
Added (17 Sep 2011, 9:13 Am)
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No one escapes death. Unless you're me. Life shouldn't be taken for granted, because at any moment it could be snuffed out. One moment, you could be sharing a joke with a comrade. And the next...your hands are covered with blood, trying to force his heart to wake up. But no matter how hard you try to save him, how you long to feel his pulse, you've only prolonged your own guilt. For each death, apart of me always feels responsible. I can sometimes sense their death, before it even happens. And I can't help but wonder...is there any way to stop it? But that would be tampering with fate. And I've learned the hard way...everything comes with a price.
Added (23 Sep 2011, 9:09 PM)
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When did my writing become so morbid? I can't read this crap...it's depressing. Sometimes I feel too much, and sometimes it's not enough. And right now it's not enough.
Bad decisions to follow...
Added (30 Sep 2011, 4:29 Am)
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I'm my own worst enemy. I thought I could change after Corulag. For awhile I stopped everything. Partying. Drinking. Drugs. I just wanted to have a good time tonight. And I did...for a little while. I saw Teroc. He was just standing there on the dance floor. I was the only one who could see him. I tried to reach him. But he was gone just as quick as he came. I still can't get the image out of my mind. His eyes...they looked haunted. I didn't know him well, but I knew enough to know that it wasn't like him. I couldn't dance anymore. I decided on a game of Sabacc to distract me. But my opponent was a halfbreed idiot. Total buzz kill. Can I just say that some people just shouldn't breed? Aliens are bad enough. Aliens wanting equality even worse. But alien and human babies? So wrong on so many freakin levels...just saying.Added (19 Nov 2011, 10:02 PM)
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I never thought I'd admit it. But I want to go home. I need a long sleep. It won't cure my troubles, but cuddling with Sody always made me feel better. She never complained when my tears got her fur wet. At least my Spukama loves me. So why isn't it enough?
Because I have a great need for affection...
Added (22 Nov 2011, 4:09 Am)
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I had another...episode. I've found that if I drink my weight in alcohol. I stop seeing them. And for a little while I can pretend I'm normal. But I can't drink, or smoke, or anything else for that matter. Because that's what got me here. I am allowed to write, but that's as far as it goes. The clones don't talk to me, and I don't blame them either. It is my fault that they have lost so much. Everything is my fault. Pretty soon they will tell me Corulag is my fault too. Well okay...maybe not. I tend to be a little dramatic when I'm upset.
Added (25 Nov 2011, 7:08 AM)
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I wish the saying "I don't get mad, I get even" could work for me. Don't get me wrong. I'm going to get even. But im going to be mad as hell while doing so. I want that Kaleesh dead. After I kill him, and I will kill him, I'm going to kill him again. There won't be an afterlife for him.
Added (25 Nov 2011, 9:01 PM)
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And after I've disembodied that Kaleesh General Adenn. I'm going to start a Genocide on those fedding aliens.
But before I get my hopes up. I need to get out of this little predicament that I'm in. Id rather kiss a Wookie's furry ass than go to jail...just saying.
Added (13 Dec 2011, 4:06 AM)
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Procopia bound. I'm kind of hoping nobody recognizes me. I'm the High Lord of House Melantha's daughter. It's kind of a big deal around there. And I just want a hot shower, a full stomach, and a long sleep. But that might be awhile longer. I'm not really sure what Imperial Command is going to do with me. Couldn't be worse than Corulag, right?
Added (15 Dec 2011, 3:46 AM)
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Someday love will find me.
Added (08 Jan 2012, 9:11 PM)
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I'd be good if I could...but I can't so I won't...
